Assertiveness is not passive or aggressive. It's not about being loved, it's about being respected. It's about being firm not caustic. It's about asking and sharing, not demanding and hoarding. It's about speaking your truth and allowing others to do the same.
Finding it difficult to be assertive? These simple steps can help.
Three simple steps to being the assertive you
1. Mean what you say and say what your mean
Deal with the discomfort of speaking your truth. It may
be difficult if you’re not accustomed to saying how you really feel. You’ve been afraid of hurting other people’s feelings or not being accepted
when your expressed your own point of view. You wanted to belong. You wanted to be love.
But reflect for a moment how this made you feel – unhappy, depressed, bitter, frustrated, weak, insignificant
– your initial discomfort from speaking your truth, over time, will become a
powerful feeling of empowerment, freedom and joy.
2. Be guilt free
Feeling guilty is not a real emotion, it’s a conditioned
response. Guilt causes inner turmoil. You judge yourself harshly and it makes
you feel unworthy. Assertiveness frees you to be who you are, to express
yourself authentically and shamelessly ask for what you want. Don’t allow guilt
to wreak havoc on your new found assertive self. You aren’t responsible for
people’s reaction to the new you. Allow them to be who they are.
3. Set and maintain personal boundaries
Pouting, grumbling, expressing your displeasure behind
someone’s back, slamming doors, having tantrums, passive aggressive behavior, or
belittling others, is not being assertive. You give up your power when you
exhibit these behaviors.
Let others know your wants and needs – people are not
mind readers – be clear on your boundaries. Deal with unwanted situations right
away. Don’t ignore them, they’ll become volatile and explode. To be taken
seriously and have credibility, it’s important to stand firm in your
convictions, keep your word and follow through.
Summary
When you ask for what you want politely, when you express
your displeasure with care and consideration for the other parties involved,
when you default to kindness even in times of anger, you’re more likely to get
what you want. Most will respect you for being assertive (you can’t please
everyone). Most will despise you if you’re aggressive and look down on you if
you allow yourself to be a door mat.
Hypnosis works - if you’re having a difficult time being assertive hypnotherapy can help.
Contact me for a free consultation
Adalia John Cht
818-741-8909
Skype:adaliaj1
adalia[at]claimyourconfidencenow[dot]com
Adalia John Cht
818-741-8909
Skype:adaliaj1
adalia[at]claimyourconfidencenow[dot]com
Learn more about hypnosis at http://www.hypnosistarzana.com
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
